Terrible Two's or Pint-Sized Bully? A Comparison of Toddlers and School Kids

no child was injured in the taking of this picture

What does a group of toddlers have in common with a group of middle schoolers?  Surprisingly, a lot!

Both age groups:

• have awkward friend interactions
• are growing in social skills
• lack impulse control
• have bullies

Did I really say that?  Bullies?  Toddlers?

Yes.

If we don't let the cuteness factor of these tiny humans cloud our judgement, we can turn these tiny terrors around before they get to middle school (or any school).

I recently had the chance to work with a group of toddlers.  I noticed that one, who happened to be the oldest in the group, was not quite behaving as he should.  Each time a child would take out a toy, this little boy would stop what he was doing and rip the toy out of the other child's hand.

I used redirection and reminders.... until....

He. Spat. On. My. Child.

Oh no he didn't!  Mamma Bear was on the loose!

Taking a page from Dr. Phil, I made sure his little world stopped.  He was put in the time out chair so fast. From that point on, EVERY infraction was met with VERY swift recourse.  Every positive was met with quick praise.

No, he didn't stop being a bully that night.  He still is terrorizing other little ones.  He did show me that bullies start young.  He taught me that we need to work hard when our children are young to help them grow into kind and responsible adults.  These early years are the most crucial in character development.

None of our kids are perfect.  They will all make mistakes.  That's how they learn.  How we help them learn from their mistakes will shape their character.

Proverbs 22:6 tells us

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

It's a big job.

I pray I'm up for the challenge.  Are you?

5 Ways I Have Struggled with Weight

Just days before delivering Buggy a month early

I have been reading a lot of blogs that focus on weight loss lately.  I am amazed at how open and honest these women are.  I mean, they give NUMBERS!  Actual numbers of their REAL weight and what they have lost and gained.

I don't know if I could do that!

These women have inspired me.

At the moment, I am pretty much where I want to be weight-wise. That doesn't mean I don't have issues with weight.  I'll break down each issue over the next few weeks. Hopefully, the insight I have gained while reading other blogs (check out my list of great reads in the right sidebar) will help someone else who is struggling with weight issues.

Here are my struggles!  For reference, I am 4'11' and my goal weight/healthy weight is 110 lbs.

1. Overweight.  In high school, I became quite overweight - I gained about 40 pounds in just a few months after a thyroid medicine change. It took a few years to get healthy again.
2. Underweight.  At one point in college, my weight dropped to just over 80 lbs. I wasn't anorexic.  I was just working so much that I couldn't keep weight on.
3. Hormonal birth control weight.  Eight years on the pill.  'Nuff said.
4. Baby weight.  My highest weight was just over 160 pounds. It was hard to lose the first time around.
5. Food Aversion.  This can of worms is open right now.  It is a vicious cycle. The less I eat, the less I want to eat. I'll dive into this mess in the future. Basically, some breastfeeding issues I have had with both cause me to feel nauseous while nursing.  It is slowly getting better.

So, I bring this subject to this blog for a few reasons.  I am striving to be healthy.  I am striving to have a biblical view of beauty.  I know that by writing about my issues in light of scripture, I'll be more likely to follow through.  Lastly, I hope to help at least one person!

Have you struggled with weight?  Self-image?

Somewhere Over the Rainbow: How the Church is Getting Homosexuality Wrong

photo credit

How can I write this post and convey my heart? How can I show through words how I really feel?  My heart breaks on both sides. I have many friends whom I love who are homosexual.  I have many friends whom I love who are completely opposed to the homosexual lifestyle.

I'll just say it. Where homosexuality is concerned, the Church, for the most part, is getting it all wrong.

When did Christianity become "us" vs. "them?"  Isn't Christianity about love? About being "Jesus with skin on" for the people in our lives?

Think about it.

Did Jesus turn people away because their sin was too gross?  No. Jesus went against the culture of the day. He healed those who were deemed "unclean." He ate with tax collectors.  He spent time with those deemed the bottom of society.  Come on - He even rocked Saul's world and Saul became Paul.  Jesus knows what He is doing.  He has the master plan. We aren't to know all the details. That's not our job. That's His job.  Our job? To love. Is it our job to convert or save people? Heavens no. That's not in our power in the least. Our job? To love.

Am I perfect? NO! I'm a mess! Are you perfect? I doubt it.  While there is a time for rebuking others in the spirit of love, it is more important to look after the state of our own hearts.

Am I saying that homosexuals are the bottom of society? CERTAINLY NOT!

The Bible does not tell us that homosexuals are sinners (any more than any of us are sinners). The Bible DOES state that homosexual acts are sinful.  Is that politically incorrect to say? I'm sure it is.  But, the Bible also says that there is no hierarchy to sin - having an ill thought toward someone is on the same plane as murder. Murder. Looking at someone other than a spouse with lust is the same as committing adultery.  It's all about the heart. So, are homosexual acts any more sinful than lying? Than being angry at someone? No.

So, what about biology?

There are studies pointing toward a biological root to homosexuality. I honestly am not up on all the research. I am not here to dispute it.  I will say that the Bible is clear that some people are called to a life of singleness - a life without sexual relations. Honestly, I cannot wrap my human mind around the mind of God. I am not going to try to explain WHY.  I don't know why.  Are there heterosexual people called to a life of singleness?  You betcha.  Paul says that singleness is much better than marriage - marriage is for those not strong enough to handle the single lifestyle.

"Love the sinner, hate the sin."

I actually hate that trite comment.  It is used quite often by self-righteous people who are looking down on others for their imperfections.  My suggestion?  Just LOVE people. We are ALL sinners. Yes, we should hate sin. ALL sin. Not just those that don't suit us.

If Jesus is who He says He is, can we not trust that He will take care of things? If we are showing love as we are commanded and if we are praying and seeking Him, will He not work in the hearts of others? Remember, it is not our job to save. Salvation is not ours to give.

What if someone asks you about their homosexual lifestyle?

Rather than spouting off scripture, try letting God handle it. For a change. I'm not saying there isn't a place for scripture. Pray about it before you bombard someone with the Word. Try this instead - tell your friend to try asking Jesus. Like I said before, if we believe He is Who He says He is, then that is by far the best advice that could be given.

So, the bottom line?

I am a sinner, saved by Grace alone through faith alone in Christ Jesus.  I am trying my best to show love to my neighbors. Do I mess up?  Of course.

I am a mom.  I have read many sentiments over the past few days regarding Christian moms raising their kids in this day and age. Do I protect my children?  Most certainly. Do I keep them away from people who are homosexuals? Absolutely not. Do I allow conversations of a sexual nature around them? Absolutely not (they are quite young - there will be a day when these subjects will be broached but that day is not today).

I make it a point to have my children interact with people of all types - to learn to love people of all types. Do I expose them to all sorts of TV? No.  I censor their television pretty harshly (I even censor some Thomas the Train episodes).  Will they go to public school? Probably. We're still not 100% decided. Yes, I want strong Christian influences in their lives but I don't want them to only ever associate with Christians. We are to be salt and light.  In the world but not of the world.

Where do I go from here?

I know this post will offend some, possibly many.  My goal was to shake things up.  Make you think. Cause you to examine what you believe and why.

I will go about my life loving my friends.  Sure, some decisions (from ANY of my friends and family) may break my heart. I'll be praying.

Where do YOU stand?

5 Weeks to Be a Better Housewife: Week 3 - Organization

Proverbs 31:15-24

¹⁵ She gets up while it is still dark;
       she provides food for her family
       and portions for her servant girls.
 ¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
       out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
 ¹⁷ She sets about her work vigorously;
       her arms are strong for her tasks.
 ¹⁸ She sees that her trading is profitable,
       and her lamp does not go out at night.
 ¹⁹ In her hand she holds the distaff
       and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
 ²⁰ She opens her arms to the poor
       and extends her hands to the needy.
 ²¹ When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
       for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
 ²² She makes coverings for her bed;
       she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
 ²³ Her husband is respected at the city gate,
       where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
 ²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them,
       and supplies the merchants with sashes.

I admit - I am a bit intimidated by this woman in Proverbs 31.  She can do it all!  This is just PART of the list that she does.  I am overwhelmed thinking of the organizational skills she must have had.

Thankfully, we are not called to perfection, simply to strive towards excellence.  Not to achieve it (though it is wonderful when we do), but to STRIVE TOWARDS it.  Thank goodness!

I have visions of a perfectly ordered house.  I get ohsoexcited when I enter an office supply store.  Unfortunately, I fall a bit at the execution.  This is my home this morning:

Don't you love my organized desk area!  It was clean and orderly awhile back.  Two under two syndrome has hit hard.  Surprisingly, this is fairly clean compared to some days.  In my defense, we had just gotten back from a weekend away.

This is one counter in my kitchen.  Don't cha love the file system where I pay bills stuck in the middle of the mess?

Now, I try to keep this segment of counter clean since it is where I do my cooking.  I clean it at least twice per day and it still ends up being a little cluttered and messy.

Ahhh..... We got a "new" dining room table this weekend.  It had been my Grandmother's.  Since I had to clear off the old one to move it to the basement (it's now my laundry/sewing table), I had to deal with some of the clutter.  I'm hoping to keep it this clean as I move forward.

So, you see that I am no expert.  I am in as much need of organizational help as the next person - maybe moreso!

Here are some tips to help calm the chaos (as FlyLady says, Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome) in a few baby steps each day:

• Take a few minutes each day to get rid of clutter - toss the junk, recycle what you can, sell stuff, bless others with items you just don't need.  Try joining the 730 Item De-clutter challenge!
• Deal with mail as SOON as it comes in the house. Recycle the junk mail, sort the rest.  This is actually why my file station is in the kitchen - it's where I file the mail so bills don't get misplaced.
• Think outside the box.  Do you have a storage dilemma? Try a creative solution. Our dilemma is we have just one closet for the whole first level of the house. I use a hanging shoe rack on our closet door to organize office supplies.  Maybe try a coffee table with storage inside, baskets under end tables, or a cube that doubles as storage and extra seating.
• Apply the rule that when one item is brought in, one item must go out.  Buy a new toy? Donate an old toy.  
• Master the Calendar.  Have one spot where the master calendar is kept.  Keep the calendar updated. Try using a different color for each family member or for each type of activity.
• Cement those routines.  Organization plus solid routines equals an orderly home.
• Remember your priorities.  If your husband doesn't mind a little mess, spend your time first taking care of what really matters to him (maybe by making him lunch or by snuggling on the couch with him).  Remember that your children will only be little once. Don't spend all your time cleaning and miss playing with them.  Most importantly, don't neglect your time with God.  Remember the story of Mary and Martha. Your time is better spent sitting at the feet of Jesus than tending to the affairs of the house (though the house certainly should not be neglected).
• Set up a home binder.  Over the next few weeks, I will be adding items to the download portion of the website to create your own home organization binder for free.  

Take baby steps this week.  Declutter.  Organize.  Start in one space.  Slowly take baby steps outward.  Baby steps lead to lasting change.

My very favorite tip - Invite people over!  It's amazing how organizing and decluttering happen quickly with the stress of an impending visit!  I'm having a Miche purse party this weekend to kick me into gear!

What's your favorite organizing tip?

5 Weeks to Be a Better Housewife - Week 1 - Be a Helper Suitable

Have you ever realized that when you teach something, you learn more than you really want to?

*raises hand*

As I write this series, I am learning so much and seeing how much I need to grow - much more than I expected.  I need accountability from y'all.

Here's what you can expect through this series.  Each week I will lay out a topic and scripture.  I will offer up some "homework" to do through the week.  We're taking baby steps here so we don't get overwhelmed and stop.  Stay in touch via comments, the community forum, and the Facebook page.  Participate. Help each other.  We'll all get more out of it with the support, accountability, and insight of others.

Week 1 - Be a Helper Suitable

What is our understanding of marriage?  Is it modeled more after what the world shows marriage to be?  Does your marriage look like something on "King of Queens" or "Everybody Loves Raymond?"  Or, do you have more of a counter-cultural flair that may hearken back to earlier eras?

Let's take a look at what the scriptures have to say about the wife's role in marriage and in her home.

Genesis 1: 27

And God created man is His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.

Genesis 2:7, 18, 21-22

Then the Lord God formed man of dust from the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being... Then the Lord God said, "It is not good for man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him." ... So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh at that place. And the Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man.

1 Corinthians 11: 7-9

For a man is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man. For man does not originate from woman, but woman from man; for indeed man was not created for the woman's sake, but woman for the man's sake.

So, what does all of that mean?  

Basically, God created both man and woman to reflect His image.  Not just man with woman as a second thought.  We are BOTH image bearers of God.  God did create us for different purposes.  Man's purpose is to serve God.  Woman's purpose is to serve God as well, but to serve God through her position as a helper suitable for her man.

What does a "helper suitable" look like?

Are we all to look the same in our roles as helper suitable?  Of course not.  Each family will look different.  My husband needs help in a different way than your husband.  No person is alike.  For some, staying at home is the best help.  For others, having gainful employment would help most.  So how do we know what to do?  How do we grow if there isn't a clear layout of what we need to do?

God does provide an excellent framework for us in Proverbs 31:10-31 and in Titus 2.  Read them.  Meditate on them.  Apply them to your life.

How does this fit in to my life? What baby step can I take?

Let's take this one baby step at a time.  Take this week to dig a little bit.  Do these few small tasks.  Talk about them and how to make changes in the community (just register for free with the blog frog), in the comments, or on Facebook.  Let's help each other be better housewives (I need help!).

1. Ask your husband.  What better way to find out how to be a helper suited to your husband's life and character than to ASK? Now, since we are doing baby steps, let's not open a floodgate.  Ask him what his "top 5" are.  A few years ago, my husband answered with: having dinner ready, having lunch packed, having coffee set up, keeping the calendar updated, and romance.  I asked him today and was a bit humbled by his response: romance (no surprise there!), keeping priorities straight, growing in organization, improving time management, asking when I need help.  Be prepared for a bit of a sting.  Don't sting back.  Listen.  Consider. This can open the door for some great open and honest communication.
2. Pray and seek guidance.  Pray about the list.  Ask others to help you grow in those areas.  I am making it a point now that we're past the "newborn" phase to really work on my time management. I am printing out the items on the downloads tab to start afresh with my home binder.
3. Take a baby step.  Pick something.  One thing. Take a step towards growth. That might mean doing something.  That might mean cutting something out.  Come back here and tell us what you are doing!

So, let's take these first steps together.  What are your husband's Top Five?  What baby steps are YOU taking this week?  Please share!



My resources:

• The Excellent Wife
• Feminine Appeal
• The God I Love

5 Weeks to Be a Better Housewife

For those of you who are offended by that title, please see my comments at the end of the post!

Oh the learning curve!  It's been quite a transition to go from being a wife working outside the home sans kids to being a stay at home mom of two.

I've been struggling to get it all together and keep it that way.  Life happens.  Plans fall apart.  House is a mess.  It's an amazing roller coaster!

Over the next five weeks, I am striving to apply some of the awesome counsel from friends, books, and most importantly, God.  Will you join me?  Let's help each other grow as wives and mothers!

Each Monday will bring a new topic complete with scripture, tasks, and discussion questions.  Lets support each other.  Leave comments.  Reply to one another.  Visit the Rediscovering Domesticity community on BlogFrog (look in the sidebar for the link).  Ask questions.  Leave your insights for others.  I challenge you to step out and make some connections.  If you've never commented before, jump in and comment! 

Remember the old saying, "You only get out what you put in?"  That applies here!

Why "5 Weeks to Be a Better Housewife?"

• Being a housewife/mother is a noble calling/profession
• Being a housewife/mother means being a master of many trades rather than an expert in just one
• Being a housewife/mother is a non-stop full time job
• Being a housewife/mother requires support
• Being a housewife/mother isn't all about chores!
• This series is in no way putting down those who are employed or not married (we can all glean tips to improve our lives)

What do YOU hope to glean from this series?  Let me know in the comments or in the community!