Guest Post: Breastfeeding After Reduction - A Personal Journey

My name is Losing Brownies and I’m a BFAR mom.

I’m also the author of Losing the baby weight…one brownie at a time. I often write about my life as a SAHM to The Boy and usually I include my husband, Gadget Guy, in these adventures, mishaps, and antics.  Sometimes I write just about myself or things that are going on in my mind. You really don’t know what you’ll find there on any given day!

Today I’m writing about BFARing.

After writing my post Boobies!, Audra asked me to guest post on this topic. If you read that entry, don’t worry, this isn’t one of those copy and paste deals.

First things first… BFAR stands for Breast Feeding After Reduction.

There is a whole community of us out there who have had life altering surgeries to better our physical and mental health, but still strive to naturally feed our children. BFAR is not exclusive to those who had actual breast reductions. It’s also for women who have had any type of breast/nipple surgery. There is even a section for moms who haven’t had surgery, but just suffer with low milk supply.

Before The Boy was even a thought in my mind I struggled with large breasts.

Women on both my mom’s and my dad’s side of the family were large busted. 

I was given the dubious pleasure of bra shopping when I was in the second grade. I was 7 when I started wearing an A cup and they just continued to grow.

I was teased for having breasts before my peers. I received negative attention from boys and girls alike. I even had a box of milk dumped on me in the fifth grade to see if I would deflate.

By the time I was in high school, I had to have bras custom made. At that time I had to go to the same store my grandmother bought her prosthetic breasts. Let me tell you, those types of bras were not attractive. I longed to be able to buy cute bras from Target.

That wasn’t even the worst of my problems. I had crippling migraines from the stress of the weight and my spine started to curve. When I was 19 I decided to see a specialist about it. His options were have a breast reduction now, or face back surgery to correct my spine in a few years.

I took the breast reduction option, and I felt great afterwards. The doctor removed a combined total of 8 pounds of tissue and I was left with a high C.  I had a few years of physical therapy to help repair the damage that had been done and I could finally wear those cute Target bras.

I knew that when I had children I might not be able to breast feed at all. When I fell pregnant last fall this fact was at the forefront of my mind. I did a lot of research and was very hopeful when my breast started making changes. The most exciting of these was leaking colostrum.

The Boy was born via emergency c-section in mid May. Complications caused him to be on I.V. antibiotics, so he wasn’t able to stay in room with me. Gadget Guy wheeled me down to him every two hours to attempt breast feeding.

I didn’t know what to expect, but knew for a fact that there was colostrum, so on the breast he went. It hurt. I had three different lactation consultants come talk to me while I was in the hospital. Each of them had different pieces of advice.

I was told that with my surgery there might be a low production of milk. The consultants advised me that I might need to use a Supplemental Nursing System and/or cup feeding. They even helped show me how to use such devices.

I did really well with two of the consultants. They were very understanding and willing to help me. The third was a Boob Nazi and told me I was selfish for having a breast reduction before I had children and that I was depriving my child of the best. She berated me and made me feel worthless and guilty. She even went as far as to tell me that my child wouldn’t have the developmental advantages of breast fed babies if I supplemented.

My postpartum nurse was so supportive though and she was very patient with me and helped me as The Boy cried and made my nipples crack and bleed. She told the Boob Nazi that a new mother didn’t need to hear that and made sure she was not allowed to see me again while I was in the hospital.

My nurse gave me the name of a pediatrician through the hospital that specialized in breast feeding. She encouraged me to call her.

Five days after birth my milk came in, but The Boy’s weight drastically dropped and his pediatrician said that we needed to supplement and get his weight back up. That is when I called Dr. Breast Helper. She was amazing.

In our first appointment she weighed The Boy before and after feeding and we found that he was only getting two ounces a feed. I was going to have to supplement. Dr. Breast Helper pointed out that when my surgery was done my nipples must have been reattached upside down, because the nipple were pointed upward and The Boy literally had to climb up on them for a decent latch. For positioning she suggested not using the Boppy pillow because it was too soft and wouldn’t give the support he needed to reach the nipple. She also gave me nipple shields to help with the pain.

She helped Gadget Guy and me as we set up the SNS and gave me a list of supplements I could take to naturally boost my milk supply. Our first appointment was over 2 hours long and we were set up for another in a week, and once a week for the next month.

When we left both Gadget Guy and I were feeling confident that The Boy would be able to breast feed, even if it was with a little help.

We immediately bought a copy of Defining Your Own Success, a Brest Friend Pillow for proper positioning and I started taking herbal galactagogues including fenugreek, alfalfa, blessed thistle, shatavari, goat’s rue, and Motherlove More Milk Plus. I was taking roughly 100 herbal pills a day and it caused me to smell strongly of maple syrup.

When The Boy wasn’t on the breast I was pumping to increase production. It was to the point that I was baby, pump, baby, pump all day long. I was even pumping in the middle of the night after his feeds.

We carried on like this and battled reoccurring thrush and a case of mastitis on top of a uterine infection that caused me to be back in the hospital. Oh, and I had brutal PPD.

He was about a month old when he started crying on the breast and refused to stay latched on, with or without the shield. I was in tears every time he was on the breast. When the breast wouldn’t work, I tried cup feeding and finger feeding, but he wasn’t interested in that either.

Dr. Breast Helper suggested it was the lack of flow. I was heartbroken. I didn’t want it to be over yet. My goal was to BFAR until The Boy was at least 3 months, and if that went well then to 6 months and beyond.

With Dr. Breast Helper’s support and the mantra “some breast milk is better than none” I continued to pump and chart my results. We switched to BreastFlow Bottles so that he would still have the breast compression sensation when eating.

I pumped on average 8-9 oz of breast milk a day.

At first, we mixed the breast milk with the formula since he was use to that with the SNS. Then we found that if he had one breast milk bottle before bed and another in the middle of the night he slept much better. Of course, as The Boy grew he ate more in a session so at two months he was taking the full 8 oz before bed. That is also when I started seeing a drop in my production.

I was slowly losing my supply. I tried more supplements, but that didn’t help. I even considered ordering Domperidone from Canada. Domperidone is not a FDA approved drug, but BFAR moms all over the world saw a huge increase of milk supply with it. Gadget Guy was not on board and Dr. Breast Helper didn’t think it was a good idea for me personally, because of my PPD.

I continued on though because I wanted The Boy to have the best. I had mastitis two more times before my milk supply dried up completely, a week after he turned 3 months.

While I did my best, I had a difficult time. I felt guilty for not being able to do more for him. I had lots of supportive people around me, but for every ten supportive people there would be one judgey mommy, like the Boob Nazi, who would bring me down.

The Boy is nearly 5 months old and he is no different developmentally than any other 5 month old boy. He is healthy and well fed. He is completely formula fed now, but you know what, there is nothing wrong with that.

I envy moms who can breast feed with no problems, and my heart breaks for moms who struggle and can’t do it. Formula is there for a reason. It’s made for women who can’t breast feed and for those who choose not to. We are fortunate that we have something like that out there and that babies can thrive on it.

Regardless of what you choose to do, or what life chooses for you, you do the best you can for your child. There are resources like BFAR and Low Milk Supply out there; you just have to reach out to them. Good luck and happy feeding! 

**************

Thank you, Losing Brownies, for being so open with us all about your struggles!  You are such an encouragement to so many.  Now, Let's show her some comment love!  Click over and visit Losing Brownie's blog!

Guest Post: 7 Steps to a Less Anxious Life

I have talked your virtual ears off over this past year about my journey through postpartum depression and anxiety.  Y'all know how prayer really helped me although I learned that I couldn't just "pray my way out" of it.  I needed other strategies to cope.   I want to share some tips from another survivor.

 Today’s Guest Post is From Laura Elliott, author of Project Feel Good – a blog dedicated to understanding and coping with fear, stress and anxiety. 

7 Tips for a Less Anxious Life 

 

 
1. Accept Your Anxiety–It’s Partof You

For years I battled anxiety, it was my deepest darkest enemy. I’d swing between pretending it didn’t exist and attacking it head on, neither strategy worked. Then it dawned on me, “It’s just anxiety, it could be diabetes, it could be asthma, but in my case it’s anxiety and that’s ok – I just need to manage it”. From that day on I accepted my anxiety as a part of me and started exploring ways to cope with anxiety and live a happier life.

 
2. Do More of the Things that Make You Feel Good

As the wonderful Nirvana Mama says, "Follow Your Bliss."  Instead of focusing on the things you find difficult, focus on the things that you enjoy.  Make time for "feel good activities", in my case this means time for yoga, gardening, reading, and writing.  Following my passion has boosted my self-esteem, increased my energy levels, helped me to de-stress and ultimately given me the strength to deal with anxiety when it strikes.

 
3. Surround Yourself with Positivity and Love

When you are in the grips of anxiety, it’s natural to want to run away and hide, yet often, just talking about it and spending time with others really helps to put things back in perspective. Having friends and family members that care about you and support you, makes the dark days much easier. Take time to nurture your existing relationships and build new ones. Consider letting go of relationships that are no longer good for you.

 
4. Slow Down and Simplify Your Life 

It’s often when we have a lot on the go at once that we feel anxious. If you’re jumping from one thing to another, not finishing anything, arriving late for appointments, skipping breakfast…it’s a recipe for an anxious life. So get up a little earlier, eat breakfast each morning, clear out the clutter in your house, reduce the number of commitments you have and let go of the need to be perfect, sometimes “good enough is good enough.”   

 
5. Count Your Blessings 

I don’t know whether it is because I am getting older, or whether it’s because I’m a mother or maybe it’s because I’ve lost people that are close to me – but one thing I have learned is ‐ life is precious. Take time each day to count your blessings. Keeping a journal or taking photos is a fantastic way to stockpile special moments so you can look back on them in the future.  

 
6. Reach Out to Others 

A great way to ease anxiety is to focus on others rather than focusing on yourself. Curiosity is a wonderful attribute and you can develop it by slowing down and noticing what is around you. Practice asking open questions and really listening to what others say. Do things that make other people feel good and you can’t help but feel good yourself. 

 
7. Your Body is Your Temple 

My final tip is to love and nurture your body. Understand its natural rhythms and cycles. In essence ‐ take care of yourself. Eat a healthy balanced diet, exercise regularly, take time to relax, look after your skin, hair and nails, pro‐actively manage any health conditions, drink less alcohol and drink more water.  

 
Have you struggled with anxiety?  What helped/helps you?  Share your tips in the comments!

Good Links - Carseats and Shopping Carts, Breastfeeding and SIDS, and much more

I just have to share some fantastic links with you today.  I am just amazed at the fantastic blogs out there - so many very talented writers.  Just a warning - it's quite a mix of funny and serious.

Hope you enjoy!

• Carseats and Shopping Carts - Safety Warning
• Breastfeeding and SIDS and Guilt - an honest look at our culture
• God's Love is Greater - Affirmation of truth
• Taking Mother Blame to New Heights - PPD and AOL
• The Kid Curse - You know when your mother said, "I hope you have a kid just like you someday...."
• Small Notebook in 30 Seconds - a quick guide to an awesome blog - Small Notebook!

What was your favorite?

PPMD: 3 Month Update

I have had several emails and comments asking for an update on my postpartum mood disorders.  I am happy to oblige!

Here is a quick recap - click here to read the full story.

• I had fairly severe struggles with postpartum depression and anxiety after Buggy.
• I didn't admit I had a problem until 6 months when I couldn't leave my porch.
• Admitting it was the hardest thing - I didn't fully "come clean" about how sick I was until over a year later.
• My thyroid was the main cause of my issues.
• This time around, I began having problems at 6 weeks postpartum.
• I was prepared to battle to stay well.

Ok - we're all caught up.

At 6 weeks, I noticed that I was showing symptoms. I headed right to my endocrinologist.  After lab work, she decided to adjust my thyroid hormone levels.  All but my TSH looked perfect, but since I was highly symptomatic, it warranted a change.  My calcium and vitamin D levels were also quite low so I began extra supplementation.

A week later, I was actually feeling much worse.  I wasn't sleeping.  I was highly anxious.  I had no sense of humor.  My doctor ran labs again and had me discontinue my thyroid replacement hormone until the results came in.  Things were headed in the right direction but not enough for me to feel any better.

After four days with no supplementation, my levels were changing enough for me to start feeling better.  Each week I have felt more and more like myself.

My sense of humor is back.  I am completely enjoying my time with my children.  We have fun.  We laugh.  We crawl on the floor.  We dance like crazy.  I am healing!  It is rare to have a symptomatic day now.  The picture with this post is proof.  I haven't been able to look at a picture of myself and smile about it in a long time - let alone take a picture of myself for the sole purpose of looking at it - let alone posting it for all to see!

What do you think of the new hair color? I felt bold when I bought it.

In a few weeks, I will share with you another aspect to this healing process.  Who knew a car would be instrumental in becoming well?  Also, check back next week for a guest post entitled "7 Tips to a Less Anxious Life."

Have you struggled with postpartum mood disorders?  How have you coped?  Are you healing?  Let me know in the comments!

PPMD

A place for all things about my PPMD journey.

Under construction.

Past posts:

• My Postpartum Story - Depression and Anxiety
• Pregnant Again - Blessings Abound
• Postpartum Adventures and a New Pregnancy
• Pregnancy and Breastfeeding Update - 21 weeks
• Postpartum Comparison of the Early Days
• Beginning the Downward Spiral Again

Resources:

• Beyond Postpartum
• Postpartum Healing
• My Postpartum Voice

PPMD: Begining the Downward Spiral Again

I have a confession to make - I'm having postpartum issues again.  Last time, the confession that I was not well was extremely difficult.  It took months for me to admit how far down the spiral I had gone.  This time, I know that being open and honest will only help me with treatment and recovery.

So, what's going on?  My thyroid is out of sorts again.  Feel free to peruse the tab above for more details about my past journey.  Basically, I was diagnosed with Graves Disease (hyperthyroid) when I was 10.  I was treated with radioactive iodine to kill the thyroid and have been on replacement hormone since.  After delivering Buggy, we discovered that my thyroid was starting to produce hormone again (which is what caused most of my issues before). 

I have been well controlled through my pregnancy.  I figured I would need an adjustment or two after.  I have been very insistent on being tested very often - every 4-6 weeks.  Things have been great until two weeks ago.

I began noticing fatigue. Not just the new-mama fatigue, but fatigue where I get winded after just one flight of steps.  I have had insomnia for three weeks now.  On the 15th, I was checked again and my results showed that I was starting to go hyperthyroid again.  We decided to drop the dose of replacement hormone a bit.  Now, two weeks later, I am doing worse.  I called the doc today with a list of symptoms:

• fatigue (I get winded just walking room to room now)
• increasing anxiety
• shaky hands
• hot
• continued insomnia
• feeling like I am crawling out of my skin
• snippiness (I really haven't been very nice at all)
• extreme lack of patience

 Hopefully I will hear from the doctor soon.  I have a feeling we will decrease the hormone even more.  So far, I have not had the depression symptoms and I do NOT want them!  My milk supply is terrific.  I still laugh and have fun, just not as much as before.

Looking back and seeing how gradual that downward spiral was, I know I need to get this taken care of pronto.

Why am  I posting this?  It's to keep me accountable and to bring awareness to postpartum issues.  Do you have a Postpartum Mood Disorder story?  Would you like to share it here?  Please contact me!  Awareness is the first step in prevention and early treatment!  penguinelk at yahoo dot com

Postpartum Update - 5 weeks

It's been 5 weeks since I delivered our little guy!  I can't believe how fast he is growing.  We were able to have the doc weigh him today (during Buggy's appointment) and found that he is already over 9 pounds!  Buggy didn't hit that mark until 4 MONTHS!

Now, I have had several people inquire about my current emotional state.  I am so thankful to have friends and family who care enough to ask those hard questions.  I am happy to say that I am doing quite well.

We have had a rough time with illness around here so overall, things have been tough.  First the stomach flu all around, then hand/foot/mouth disease for Buggy, and now we are all recovering from a nasty upper respiratory illness that has lasted about 2 weeks. 

Baby is now being medicated for reflux and, after a week on meds, is showing signs of improvement.  Hubby is done teaching his summer class.  While he will still have some work each week, he is generally home to help with the boys.

I am amazed at the difference this time postpartum.  I don't feel trapped in a black hole.  I don't feel ashamed for not being able to do it all.  I don't constantly worry about every little thing regarding the boys.  I don't hold Baby every second for fear of putting him down.  I am ENJOYING the time I spend with my boys.  I am interacting with them. Yes, I get frazzled.  Yes, I get sad at times.  Yes, I have my bad days, but there are so many more good days than bad.  I have my sense of humor this time!

I have struggled with the change in my relationship with Buggy - he's no longer a baby.  It's getting better.  I treasure the times just the two of us get to hang out and be goofy.  It's amazing to see him grow into an independent little man.  We still can have our snuggle time - just because he is a little boy rather than a baby doesn't mean that we can't snuggle and cuddle.

All in all, I no longer fear this postpartum time.  I honestly was quite concerned about it when we first learned we were pregnant.  I feared the struggles of last time.  What's different?

• God is gracious  (this isn't different from last time - He just chose to bless me with an easy postpartum time after using the last one to prepare me to help others through it)
• I have the same amazing support system plus now have a ton of friends locally who saw me through the rough time on bed rest
• I've gone into it with eyes open and stop any time I notice the cycle of negative thoughts starting.  
• I'm being watched more carefully medically for thyroid issues or any other sign or symptom
• The pregnancy was less stressful even with 5 weeks of bed rest.
• The birth was much easier
• Baby has been thriving since day 1 despite the stomach flu (he's gone from 5lbs 6oz at hospital discharge to 9lbs 6oz at 5 weeks)
• I've DONE the mom thing before 
• Breastfeeding is going very well and I am much better informed about how to KEEP it going smoothly.
• I know that there are options should I need medication at some point that will not interfere with breastfeeding

I am sure there are many other differences that will come to mind after I publish this.  I have no idea what the biggest difference is.  I find myself looking for a single cause.  Thyroid played a big part last time but wasn't the only culprit.

Have you struggled with PPMD (postpartum mood disorder)?  Are you currently digging out of that black pit?  I'd love to hear your story.  If you are currently, please know that you are not alone.  Please know that it gets better.  Please know that there is help.  Feel free to email me if you'd like to chat about anything.

To read past posts regarding my struggles, click on the PPMD tab at the top of the page.

Evil Cry Book

As if I need HELP as a mom who recently delivered a baby and still has hormones raging everywhere - THIS book appeared on Buggy's book case!



Good grief!

I will be honest - I am still struggling a little with the change in relationship with Buggy.  It boggles my mind how he isn't the baby anymore.  It seems like just yesterday he was as tiny as Baby.  It's a good thing the boys have completely different temperaments or else I'd mix up their names all the time.

Tonight, I got to do bath and bedtime with Buggy by myself without a screaming baby in the room.  We took our time playing with the submarine in the bath.  We had a time-out when Buggy pulled my hair and kicked me as I tried to put a diaper on him.  We had another when he head butted my mouth while trying to get his pajama pants on him.  We had the sweetest snuggle time on the chair as he had his bottle.  I read THAT book to him (I think I am a glutton for punishment - but really - who writes books like this for new moms - just CRUEL!) as we rocked in the chair.  It took a long time to read.  I had to stop crying on several occasions.

As I went to put Buggy in his crib, I hugged him as we prayed together (normal ritual) but he wouldn't let go.  He just hugged me tight and patted my back. I think he was consoling me after I had cried  so much.

Goodness - I love my little man!  I was amazed tonight to see anew how I much I love both of my boys.  I love them in very different ways but I love them the same amount.  How is this possible?  How is it possible for our hearts to stretch like this?  Amazing!

As for depression - I will update again soon.  I am doing quite well at this point.  I do get overwhelmed by the awesome task I have to raise these boys in the way they should go.  I get overwhelmed with the incredible love I have for them.

From an Amazon review:
The mother sings to her sleeping baby: "I'll love you forever / I'll like you for always / As long as I'm living / My baby you'll be."

PPMD: A Comparison of the Early Days

After Buggy was born, I struggled.  I was in a deep dark pit and struggled to climb out.  The unthinkable had happened - I had PPMD (postpartum mood disorder).  I thought that was something only other people had - people with a previous history of depression.  Certainly it couldn't happen to me!

I am so thankful that just before Buggy was born, I reconnected with a high school friend who is transparent about her own struggles with PPMD.  If I hadn't been aware on a more personal level of what PPMD could look like, I probably would have suffered a lot longer than I did.  You can read the whole story here on my Penny Pinching Penguin blog.  Looking back, as I wrote my story, I was still climbing out of that dark pit but was certainly much healthier.

When I found out I was pregnant again, especially so soon after (we got the positive test just two days before Buggy's first birthday), I was a little afraid as I related in another previous post.  I want to follow the postpartum adventures with this pregnancy and see how they compare to my other postpartum struggles.

So far, we are nearly two weeks out.  It's been a rough two weeks, but rough in a different way.  With Buggy, we were worried about him being born early. We weren't ready at home.  We had just moved in.  Hubby had just started a new job and couldn't take much time off to be with us.  Buggy had to be readmitted to the hospital for bili light treatment.  I was overwhelmed.  I cried constantly for weeks.

This time, Baby came on time- just after 38 weeks.  Yes, I had been on bed rest for 5 weeks but was reassured by testing that he'd stay in long enough to have a great chance at being born healthy.  I had a ton of help from amazing friends.  I understood more of what to expect with labor and delivery and the initial recovery period.  I haven't been very weepy - I have been struggling with adjusting to the change in my relationship with Buggy.   I get choked up thinking of how he is now a big brother and not my little baby.  I have been a little sad at the realization that it seems he has lost the ability to latch and nurse - I didn't realize how much I was counting on him returning to nursing.  It's not constant tears though. Yes, we did have a crazy recovery time with the stomach flu all around (including baby) and an ER visit for me thanks to that virus.  Hubby has had a few weeks off from teaching.  He starts teaching a summer class next week but will only be gone half days.  We are doing well now.  I have had a few opportunities to take care of both of my precious boys on my own and have been successful.

I am currently waiting for some blood work results.  My doctor is following up on my calcium and potassium levels that were bottomed out at the ER plus rechecking my thyroid levels.  I feel like I am on the right dose.  I'm tired, but no longer exhausted.  I have an abundant milk supply.  It seems we are on the right track.

In the next few weeks, I will revisit this comparison.  I am so thankful that I am going into this postpartum time with my eyes open - knowing full well what CAN happen emotionally so that I don't end up in the same place I did last time around.

Have you struggled postpartum?  I'd love to hear your story!