PPMD: A Comparison of the Early Days

After Buggy was born, I struggled.  I was in a deep dark pit and struggled to climb out.  The unthinkable had happened - I had PPMD (postpartum mood disorder).  I thought that was something only other people had - people with a previous history of depression.  Certainly it couldn't happen to me!

I am so thankful that just before Buggy was born, I reconnected with a high school friend who is transparent about her own struggles with PPMD.  If I hadn't been aware on a more personal level of what PPMD could look like, I probably would have suffered a lot longer than I did.  You can read the whole story here on my Penny Pinching Penguin blog.  Looking back, as I wrote my story, I was still climbing out of that dark pit but was certainly much healthier.

When I found out I was pregnant again, especially so soon after (we got the positive test just two days before Buggy's first birthday), I was a little afraid as I related in another previous post.  I want to follow the postpartum adventures with this pregnancy and see how they compare to my other postpartum struggles.

So far, we are nearly two weeks out.  It's been a rough two weeks, but rough in a different way.  With Buggy, we were worried about him being born early. We weren't ready at home.  We had just moved in.  Hubby had just started a new job and couldn't take much time off to be with us.  Buggy had to be readmitted to the hospital for bili light treatment.  I was overwhelmed.  I cried constantly for weeks.

This time, Baby came on time- just after 38 weeks.  Yes, I had been on bed rest for 5 weeks but was reassured by testing that he'd stay in long enough to have a great chance at being born healthy.  I had a ton of help from amazing friends.  I understood more of what to expect with labor and delivery and the initial recovery period.  I haven't been very weepy - I have been struggling with adjusting to the change in my relationship with Buggy.   I get choked up thinking of how he is now a big brother and not my little baby.  I have been a little sad at the realization that it seems he has lost the ability to latch and nurse - I didn't realize how much I was counting on him returning to nursing.  It's not constant tears though. Yes, we did have a crazy recovery time with the stomach flu all around (including baby) and an ER visit for me thanks to that virus.  Hubby has had a few weeks off from teaching.  He starts teaching a summer class next week but will only be gone half days.  We are doing well now.  I have had a few opportunities to take care of both of my precious boys on my own and have been successful.

I am currently waiting for some blood work results.  My doctor is following up on my calcium and potassium levels that were bottomed out at the ER plus rechecking my thyroid levels.  I feel like I am on the right dose.  I'm tired, but no longer exhausted.  I have an abundant milk supply.  It seems we are on the right track.

In the next few weeks, I will revisit this comparison.  I am so thankful that I am going into this postpartum time with my eyes open - knowing full well what CAN happen emotionally so that I don't end up in the same place I did last time around.

Have you struggled postpartum?  I'd love to hear your story!