Bedrest and Mommyhood Take Two

I've been trying to decide just how transparent to be on this blog.  I will always protect my family's identity (hence not using real names for them), but I know I am helped most when others are transparent and I hope some of you may be helped or encouraged by my transparency.

So.....  I've decided to go ahead and bare it all.  I'll spare the icky doctor details but won't spare the details of the heart.

First of all, thankfully, tomorrow I get to see my own OB.  Through this past week of labor/delivery hospital trips and bed rest, I haven't seen her - just the on-call docs.  For those who don't know - I just turned 33 weeks today.  Last Monday, I started contracting a lot - about every 5-6 minutes.  I went to the hospital and it took nearly the whole day, but the contractions were stopped.  I had to go back for the same reason on Friday.  You can read all the details in this previous post.  Here we are, Sunday evening, and I'm doing pretty good physically.  Emotionally/mentally, well, that's another matter.

I was so happy with this pregnancy - it was just smooth sailing.  Hardly any morning sickness, able to breastfeed Buggy through most of it, energy galore.  I even had the fleeting thought of if all my pregnancies were like this, I'd consider being a surrogate.

Wham!  All of a sudden, Monday happened.  I went from doing anything and everything to doing nothing - right as nesting is in full swing.  Right as mood swings are reaching their peaks.

I am overwhelmed with the outpouring of love and support.  I am amazed at what a wonderful husband I have and what a fantastic daddy he is.  It breaks my heart that I can't lift and snuggle Buggy.  I can't help with bath/bed time unless I am upstairs for the night and even then, I can't do much at all.  It breaks my heart that when Buggy hurt himself this weekend, he looked at me then at his Pap, me, Pap, then ran to Pap to be consoled.  It breaks my heart that when he was sick off and on this week, I wasn't the main one to comfort and console him.  When I called the doctor for him, I had to have Mom tell me what each diaper was like.  Don't get me wrong, I am SUPER thankful for them taking turns to be here 24/7 this week.  There is no way we could have functioned without that help.  I just get sad when it comes to "mommy things" that I just can't do.

I know this is probably a good transition period.  When the little one is here, I won't be able to be the one to console Buggy every time.  He has created a fantastic bond with his daddy which is so sweet to see.  He is growing up.  I don't think I'd get as sad about it if Baby were here already (well, here after "baking" long enough) but with the added stress of being in limbo with him is just making this tough.

I know that all of this is in God's hands.  I know that He is using this trial to do a good work in me.  I know that one thing He is trying to teach me is to not be so stinking self-sufficient.  To humble myself and ask for help.  To humble myself and allow others to bless me.  It's scary.  I know all these things in my head, yet my heart forgets so easily.  I randomly just weep.  I may be weeping out of sheer thankfulness or out of sadness or anything in between.

I am so thankful for all the support through this time.  My fabulous friends threw me a surprise baby shower this past weekend.  They were afraid it wouldn't happen since I was in the hospital the day before.  Thankfully, I was able to make it (after Hubs spilled the beans on purpose the night before so I didn't go into labor due to surprise) and sit on my fanny and be blessed by them.  They are coming together to provide care throughout the week so I can continue incubating.  I have gotten so much love and support from friends online as well - even people I have never met and may never meet have been sending me wonderful messages of encouragement.

It's still hard.

I don't know how the moms who do this for months on end keep their sanity.

I'm looking forward to when I can take Buggy to the park or the zoo again.

How have you struggled during pregnancies?  During trials?  How have you been blessed?  How has God used those situations for good?