The Doctors TV Show: An Adventure in Sensationalism

So, Little Man has been teething.  He hasn't been sleeping.  He's been napping on me.  I've been watching more TV than normal.  One show I have mostly enjoyed watching has been the Dr. Phil spin-off, The Doctors.  Most of the time, they have presented multiple sides to issues and backed up their position with science.  Yesterday's show was not the norm.

Disclaimer:  Different methods work for different families.  As long as the children are safe and loved and not injured from discipline, our choices should not be vilified.  Parents are often made to feel that any type of discipline will harm their child (just listen to the media) so they choose to not discipline.  Those poor children will suffer the consequences of that parental neglect the rest of their lives.  I have seen this first-hand in my 9 years of teaching.


The claim: children who are spanked are not as smart as they should be - IQ scores are 5 points lower in children who have been spanked than in children who have not.  Scientific backup: one small study that pointed to the 5 points lower in IQ plus the American Academy of Pediatrics standpoint that spanking should not be a primary form of punishment.  Sound bytes that were appalling were used such as a teacher saying, "You can always tell the child that was spanked.  They come in to school with their heads down and won't look anyone in the eyes."  Um, no.  I was spanked as a child and my spirit was not broken, I looked adults in the eyes.

My questions:  How in the world can one measure what a child's IQ SHOULD be versus what it actually is?  Are they differentiating at all between parents who spank and parents who hit/beat?  There is a vast difference.  Why is there such a stigma against parents who choose to lovingly use Biblical discipline?  Why was there no mention of WHY some parents choose this form of discipline - only an air of how those parents are not doing the best for their children.

What the Bible says:

Proverbs 23:13-14 (New International Version)

 ¹³ Do not withhold discipline from a child;
       if you punish him with the rod, he will not die.
 ¹⁴ Punish him with the rod
       and save his soul from death

Proverbs 22:15 (New International Version)

 ¹⁵ Folly is bound up in the heart of a child,
       but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.

 Biblical discipline done in a loving manner is not harmful to the child.  It is not whipping, beating, or hitting.  Loving discipline is never done in anger.  It is done as a consequence to a specific behavior - known in advance by the child.  Mom or Dad wait until they are no longer angry and lovingly explain why a spanking is required - for breaking such and such rule.  Mom or Dad dole out the predetermined number of spanks with a device.  Why a device?  The adult hand is quite heavy and can injure a child.  A device, such as a paint stirrer, will sting but will not bruise or break bones or otherwise injure a child.  Mom and Dad then hug the child, tell them that they love them, and then pray with the child.

Biblical discipline is in stark contrast to a parent hitting a child.  A parent who is angry during discipline will not be as effective.  Children learn best when they know what the expectations are and what the consequences are.  When disciplining in anger, consequences often change and children no longer know what to expect  - no longer know their boundaries.  Spanking is loving discipline.  Hitting is a parent's way of venting anger rather than disciplining.

Do I spank?  Yes, I do.  Not often at all, but when Little Man does something that is dangerous, at his age, a time out is not appropriate.  He has no idea what a time out is or why he is there.  For example, when he reaches for the stove, he hears "NO!"  If he doesn't pull away immediately, he gets a spank on his leg with a paint stirrer.  It gets his attention.  He has learned quite quickly that the stove is off limits.  He is much safer this way.  I have not hurt him.  I have not crushed his spirit.  When I was just removing him from the temptation, I was simply making the stove more tempting - he would try to touch the stove more often.  I would rather him learn to not touch the stove through a few little swats than through a trip to the ER for burns.  As he grows older, spanking will be more structured as I indicated above.  I don't enjoy spanking him, but I know it is what is best for him.

Not all children respond to spanking.  It depends on the child.  Focus on the Family has a great resource with ideas for discipline for various temperments.  

As parents, we are to

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. (Proverbs 22:6)

 It is our job to lovingly discipline our children in the ways that work for them and for us.  Spanking will work for some.  It may not be for others.  Spanking should not be vilified. Parents who spank should not be threatened with child protective services (many I have talked with have been).