I Dreamed a Dream

I love music.  I have a degree in it.  I am a sucker for song.  I've had a song running through my head today.  Have you seen Les Miserables?  Have you at least heard the soundtrack?

I dreamed a dream in times gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung
No wine untasted
But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
And they turn your dream to shame

Now, I certainly don't agree with everything in the song.  God IS forgiving.  Life IS worth living.  I won't get into the back story on the song.  The important takeaway is that when I was young, I had so many dreams.  The world was my oyster.  I could do anything.  Be anything.  I could put myself out there and not fear rejection.

Well, you know how it goes.  As we get older, we face rejection.  It's a part of life.  We make sacrifices.  We make choices.  We get caught up in the day to day.  Often, we stop dreaming.

After reading a great post by Nirvana Mama,  I have slowly allowed myself to start dreaming.  She asked just one question -

If you could choose a “career” in life without worrying about others expectations of you, without worrying about self doubt, without worrying about educational background, without worrying about money, without worrying AT ALL…

What would it be???

 

It's taken a bit of a nudge to really dream and think it could become a reality.  You see, my dream has always been to be a stay at home mom.  Well, I am living that dream.  I LOVE being an at-home mom.  However, I am learning, thanks to MOPS, that I cannot let that one thing define me or else I risk losing myself.  I will not always be a mother to small children.  One day I will be a mother to older children, then to college children, then to adult children.  My life will not always revolve around dirty diapers.

After struggling with postpartum depression and anxiety after having Buggy, I realize how important it is to have interests and friends outside of the 4 walls of the house.  I am a better mom when I have some time to myself.

Sandi, from Deva Coaching, posted a challenge on our BlogFrog 31 Days to Build a Better Blog forum.  She challenged us to REALLY dream and consider how to make it a reality.

I'm buzzing with excitement.  There's a whiff of potential in the air.  I may be starting on a great adventure - if I can gather up the courage to take a few steps.  What is that dream?

I tossed around a few ideas:  playing French horn professionally (not in the best locale to do that unless I wanted to be a road warrior - not an option), sing again (I can do this without much effort - I can sing at church, I can sing at home, I can record at home), become proficient at guitar and piano (I just don't have the hours to invest at this point).  What I came up with:

I want to help others.  

I want to grow my blogs so I can help as many people as I can.

I want to make a part-time income with my blog to help the family get out of debt quickly so that we can give more and bless others.  I want to support ministries by sharing them with my readers and asking for support (right now, I ask for support for the Free Wheelchair Mission).  My vision is BIGGER than just three wheelchairs.  I'm thinking THIRTY.  I'm thinking THREE HUNDRED!

I want my blogs to be a place where people come for direction.  People come for information.  For encouragement. For healing. For a listening ear. For prayer. For understanding.

As an added step - I'd love to do more of my own photography for my blogs.

What would be my first steps?

I've taken quite a few through this blog challenge.  I would do a major renovation on both of my blogs.  I would invest a little bit of money.  I may even take a few weeks off of blogging to get things set up in the direction I want to go.

I would begin to schedule my day around blogging as if I were a work at home mom - I would take the time I need (while balancing things so my boys are not neglected).

I could go on.  I tend to ramble when I am excited.  I am excited.  I haven't taken these steps yet out of fear.  Fear of failure.  Fear of rejection.  Fear of doing my own thing and being myself.  Fear of not being good enough.

It's time to put fear aside.  The Lord has not given us a spirit of fear.  He has put the weight of this dream on my heart.  It's time to start.

What is YOUR dream?