Postpartum Adventures and a New Pregnancy

No, I am not as big as the photo - that photo was from my last pregnancy!  I have had several people ask me specifically how I feel about this pregnancy in relation to my postpartum struggles just a few months ago.  You can read my struggles here and here if you'd like.  By August 2009 I finally felt like myself again.  My thyroid was finally under control and I had my life back - no longer controlled by anxiety and depression.

One question to me has been how I feel about becoming pregnant so soon after that ordeal.  Baby is just a year.  I have been healthy just a few short months. Well, Hubby and I feel that we waited 8 years for Baby.  Now that we are settled and he is done with school, we are excited to see what family God has for us.  Is it scary?  A bit.  Do I get freaked out?  For sure.  I wonder if I will have the energy for 2 under 2.  When morning sickeness has incapacitated me, I wonder how I can handle being a mom that day.  Do I worry about postpartum mood issues again?  Of course.  I worry about pregnancy issues as well.  I worry I will have preterm labor again without such good results.  I worry I will get the PUPPPS rash again.  I worry about my decision about my hospital and ob choice - this hospital is a bit old fashioned and does not allow walking around after water breaks, does not allow rooming in with baby, and REALLY pushes a full-strength epidural (I had one with Baby and had a lot of trouble with delivery - ended in a vacuum extraction).

There are so many other things I could worry about.  What good will the worry do?  God has given me so many promises.  I know He created me.  He created Baby.  He created the baby within.  He will provide all I need.

I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. (Psalm 16:8)

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. (Psalm 46:1-3)

My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken. (Psalm 62:1-2)

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 139: 7, 9-10, 23-24)

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Ah Lord God! It is you who made the heavens and the earth by your great power and by your outstretched arm! Nothing is too hard for you. (Jeremiah 32:17)

Your father knows what you need before you ask him. So do not worry, saying 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Today's trouble is enough for today. (Matthew 6:8b, 31-34)

Those are just a few.  I am choosing to trust in those promises.  I am choosing to trust that God will guide and direct my doctors in my care.  Do I still worry?  Yes, but I serve a big and loving and forgiving God.